crazies.

soooooo, as some of you know i am hopelessly, endlessly, eternally single. my last "real" relationship was back when teletubbies were cool. i haven't been able to pinpoint the exact cause of my condition, but a friend of mine (a girl) has a theory that she NEVER hesitates to share with me. namely, that i attract "crazies." now for those of you who are, or have been interested in me, i hope this doesn't serve to dissuade you from your attraction. after all, somebody's gotta be crazy enough to like me...might as well be you. and i will always and forever be grateful for your interest.

now the evidence to support my friend’s conclusion sadly comes from my own mouth. you see, as i share my plight with her, i just continue to add to the multitude of occasions that i have indeed been pursued by crazies. there were the two married forty-sumthins, who insisted on sharing their undergarments with me via the united states postal service, the twenty-sumthin with three kids from as many baby-daddies, and the teenie who thought it would be a good idea to camp outside of my house in order to show her undying devotion to me. that reminds me, i have to renew that restraining order soon. the list is long and colorful, and riddled with landmine after landmine. i honestly don't know what it is about me that has forced me into this predicament. just today, i'm on my way to work and this silly girl cuts me off on the freeway, so i of course proceed to lean on my horn, flip her off, and cuss her out. she in kind, returns the favor, and i proceed on my way. a few moments later she catches up to me, takes a good look at me, and proceeds to wave and smile like i was supposed to follow her to the next off-ramp and make sweet love to her atop the soft and supple black leather of my backseat. additionally, i could just barely make out the crest of a small child’s head peering out from the backseat. what's especially sad about these happenings is that they happen to me so often that i honestly don't think that there is anything odd about it anymore. but then there is my friend, to graciously point out how miserably out of whack my life truly is. but i have tried to do sumthin about it. i honestly have. i attempted to date socalled “normal” girls, but to no avail. there was the law student. crazy. a school teacher. crazy. a nurse. crazy as hell! (but i wouldn’t trade those moments for all the tea in china.) i guess some things are just destined for some people. and for me, crazies are what it's going to be. (told you i was a poet.)