goodnight. sleep well. i'll most likely kill you in the morning.

i like to do two things in the morning; sleep, and (in the horrible event that i can't do that) have sex. you will notice that talking is NOT on that list. it's not even on that list if you lump it together with the sex. i suppose some people find it odd to not wake up and start a conversation, and other people know that they aren't really morning conversationalists, but they do manage to cope with those around them by indulging in some friendly morning banter. for the record...I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. i read sumthin a while back that said that i might not be a "morning person" because i was born in the summer, and somehow that has a bearing on my physiology. well good, i'm glad there is some scientific evidence for it, but when most people ask what i think the cause of my surly morning demeanor is i usually just respond by telling them that I HATE EVERYONE'S FUCKING GUTS IN THE MORNING. it's nothing personal. it's just this overwhelming feeling that nothing that has happened to you in the last 8 hours is anywhere near important enough for me to listen to. and in the event that we haven't seen each other in a few days, and sumthin really interesting did happen to you over that time span it is ESPECIALLY not that interesting to me, because i don't even care enough about you to check in with you over however many days it's been. again, nothing personal, these are just the facts. there are plenty of people who don't really care what i do in a given 48 hour span, and i am under no delusions that said individuals really want to hear all about the details of my life for that time period after they've only been awake for an hour. give it time. after all you've got at least a strong 6 hours of day left to get me caught up the exceedingly mundane life you lead. (ok, that was a little personal.) lastly, let me expound on sumthin that i briefly touched on earlier. it is this term, "morning person." don't tell me or anyone else that i'm "not a morning person." those words carry such distain and condescension, as though somehow you are better than me because your mouth runs like the damn energizer rabbit. i find that phrase as offensive as a retard would find being called a retard. (that is of course if the retard could comprehend what the hell you just called them.) but really, don't say that i'm "not a morning person" because you want to blather on about nothing at 9am, and i don't. that doesn't make me "not a morning person." that makes me sane. i mean shit, i woke up didn't i. i got dressed. fed myself. i might have even given someone multiple orgasms for all you know. that's a pretty damn full morning if you ask me. it's probably a lot more exciting than whatever you want so desperately to tell me about...and that's just my damn morning.