who cares about the economy...i'm trying to decide who to kill!

being that it has become fashionable to be interested (or pretend to be interested) in politics these days, i figured i'd devote a little time to being socially conscious. mostly, i don't give a shit about this election or anyone in it, but because i've actually had girls ask me if i vote lately, instead of asking me what kind of car i drive, i figured i should probably start acting like i care, so that sumthin as silly as me voting doesn't come between me and good piece of ass.

so here's the real deal on the election as i see it, and the only compelling reason to actually give a damn about who wins. everyone has become so wrapped up in the barack vs. hillary thing that they have completely overlooked the fact that in the grand scheme of things they really represent the same outcome. now when i say "represent" and "outcome" i'm not speaking about their policies, or their ability to affect change. what i do mean is that in the end it's going to be john mccain vs. [insert someone who will get assassinated here]. so there it is. the REAL issue that is facing our country. do you want to have the same president (barring mccain dropping dead of a heart attack) for 4 years? or do you want to have a sort of "relay race" of presidents? where they try to figure out who is going to go out hard and fast, and who has the staying power to pick up that baton (from the cold dead hand of another slain commander in chief) and bring us home. now to me, that's some interesting shit.

i know some of you out there are probably thinking that what i'm suggesting is horrifying. well...maybe. but regardless, i feel that it is a very real possibility, that all of the faithful voters of this country should be prepared for. i mean, i don't know how you feel about it...but 9/11 kinda sucked. now just imagine waking up one morning and having to hear "back and to the left. back and to the left." fifty thousand times, and see poor little obama's little brown brains splattered all over the pavement. or young chelsea pulling back mama's blood soaked golden locks only to have half of hillary's head come off in her hand. again, i don't know about you, but i don't want to have my cheerio's interrupted with that. and to add to the horror even more, it's 2008 people...there would be 582 channels, of color enhanced, high-definition brain matter being beamed straight into your living rooms. our parents got off easy, 4 channels, in black and white. please. we are going to be able to smell it. HAVE YOU EVER SMELLED BRAINS!?!? i get queezy just watching that monkey brain scene from indiana jones and the temple of doom. so yeah. no thanks. i'll pass.

now i realize that the whole point of terror, whether international or domestic is to scare people into not doing what they feel is right. well for me...THAT SHIT WORKS. i'm not gonna turn the presidential election into some "super survivor on steroids" where the winner/loser gets their head blown off. i've done enough dirt in my life already, i sure as hell don't need that on my conscience. call me a punk if you want to, but i know better. just like i know better than to try and go to a club in compton, CA wearing white sneakers. no sir. not me.

so place your vote for whomever you like, but just know that while you may think you're voting between pro-life and pro-choice in the future of roe v. wade, you are also voting pro-life and pro-death when you decide who you're sending to sit in the big comfy chair, in the pretty round room. so...choose wisely.