30.

first off, for you miserable mutherfuckers out there, don't get excited and think this is going to be some kind of "woe is me" post. if you're looking for self pity, go pick up a star magazine and see what amy winehouse is up to.

as for what this is about, here goes. so as a couple of you may know i'm turning the big 3-0 this year, and i've been trying to decide an appropriate way to celebrate. i'm not big into getting gifts from people, due to some fortunate/unfortunate events in my past. mostly i've found that the true cost of receiving gifts from people has too high a cost associated with them. i'm not into doing cartwheels in order to prove to people that their time and money was well spent. if you're buying people presents so that they feel obliged to tell you how great you are, you should absolutely stop. i also don't appreciate the unspoken guilt that is often wrapped neatly in a bow. and lastly, most of the people i know are broke, and can't afford to buy me what i really want anyway (i.e., plane, boat, aston martin, etc.), so i'd rather they just give me a hug. (aaawwwww.)

now don't get me wrong, this isn't me being all anti-material goods, buddhist on you. i just prefer getting myself presents. that way, no guilt. no faking like i like something that i really don't. and i already know i can't afford what i want, so i just don't try. given that frame of mind, i've been thinking a lot about what to do for this birthday being that it's kind of a milestone. not necessarily because "oooohhh, thirty, soooo important." but more like, if my black genes kick in and statistics hold true, i'm officially more than halfway done with my life, so i better get busy.

so here is what i've come up with. i keep a list of girls that i've slept with. not as some trophy case, but because most of the girls i've slept with have been very forgettable. (yes, i'm saddened by it as well.) hence i need a list to make sure i don't forget any of them. so i was perusing the list the other day and realized that it currently stands at 28 souls. (don't worry, you probably disgust me too.) being the smart fellow that i am a lightning flash went off in my head, and i realized what i should absolutely get myself for my birthday! can you think of a better present for me to get myself than to get my number to an even 30 on my 30th birthday. i know, i know, my genius even astonishes me sometimes. not only is the symmetry quite exquisite, but it serves the practical purpose of allowing me to cross the menage situation off the list before i settle down. which will spare my wife the burden of knowing that my marriage to her has prevented me from truly living life. i'm a humanitarian, what can i say. so there it is. wish me luck..."and a happy new year."