how much is your sanity worth?

so, black president, blah, blah, blah. here's the fucking news of the week. there was a plane crash...in a river...and people fucking lived. are you serious? i know these people must be wondering what they've gotta do to get famous. i mean, any other week and they are national heroes or some shit. but not this one. this one they only get five minutes on the today show and then kicked to the curb. oops.

so today i hear that the airline sent them each $5000. which got me thinking, would i knowingly subject myself to a plane crash if i knew i was going to live in order to make $5000? i mean hell, if you were GUARANTEED that you weren't gonna me maimed or any shit, would you do it? it's really just like a roller coaster on steroids at that point, right? so here is what i've come up with...no. hell no. first off, i already hate fucking flying. i try telling myself that i can't die in a plane crash because my cousins inventing the fucking airplane, but that really doesn't give me much comfort. and i always do the baby check when i get on a plane, hoping that god wouldn't crash one with innocent babies on board. but then i think about all the babies that die everyday in car crashes, or even in the damn hospital before they get some boob action from mom. and on top of that i figure i've done enough dirt in my life to outweigh the pureness of a new born. so i'm fucked. but yeah, 5 g's would be nice. but i just know that shit would fuck me up for life. i think i'd probably throw up just hearing the word plane after that. even if people were just saying "plain bagel." or "let me explain." and besides that i really don't want to go through the rest of my life remembering the last time i shit my pants. call me crazy.

so yeah, thanks mr. airline exec, but you can keep your 5000 bucks. now you want to put a few more zeros behind that shit, and we might have something to talk about.